Happiness

There was a time, when, during the dark days of depression, I would actively pursue happiness. Anything the internet suggested to aid me on this quest, I tried. But none of it worked. At worst, there was a gnawing pain in my heart. At best, a vast emptiness inside. But never 'happiness'.

And often I'd tell my husband that all I wanted was to 'feel good', and it just wasn't happening. It was an extremely frustrating time for me, to say the least. And then, my therapist mentioned the book, 'The Happiness Trap', by Russ Harris. And cliched as it sounds, that book changed my life.

I learnt that it's OK not to be happy all, or most, of the time. Eventually I realised that what I really needed, was acceptance. My pursuit of happiness was in fact, nothing more than a chronic habit of distracting myself. I was working very hard to ignore my past, my traumas, my symptoms - and always looking for the next shiny band-aid for my festering, angry wounds.

An acceptance of everything that had come to pass, became the catalyst for a long journey of healing.

So today, when I came across this writing prompt, I didn't panic that I couldn't immediately define what happiness means to me.

I am content with my lot in life, and that brings me tremendous joy.
[3rd June 2020]

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